The subtitle of this message is, "How Stephanie Gaines Missed the Opportunity of a Lifetime by No-Showing." That's right. Because Stephanie was a no-show, she didn't get to meet Chrissy, who made a surprise appearance specifically to set her up with Chrissy's friend, Scot. Yes, they were also married once and yes, they have two children together, but they are still friends and all Chrissy wants is for him to be happy. And that's all we wanted for Stephanie, too. But noooooo. She'd prefer to continue her "relationship" with a fella who expects her to go native and let her kitty cat spread out like a 70's porn star. Whatever blows your skirt up, Stephanie.
Topics you missed if you weren't at the July meeting:
Kitten shortage in central Texas - you can adopt kittens for free right now. Suzy is NOT ALLOWED to adopt any kittens.
We determined some people like to use big, meaningless words to make themselves bigger and better. For example, "heretoforewithin." The word means abso-freaking-lutely NOTHING and yet it's used in attorney circles occasionally and also by some people who have really tiny penises. However, for some reason, Farrah LOVES this word and has asked that we get on a rotating schedule so that each of us is sending the word to her in a text message every single day for the rest of her life. I'm working on getting that schedule put together, Farrah.
Brazilian waxes - specifically, how can these be incorporated into book club... it was discussed that maybe we could do a waxing assembly line. There was also discussion about which way is better: butt-spread kind, or doggy-style kind. Not really sure what the consensus on that was, but we were all in agreement that whichever position you choose, it's awkward no matter what to show all your goods to someone else, especially after giving birth because things aren't in their original locations and don't necessarily look as perky as they once did.
Let it be known that Stacy does not do anal. Anal glands, that is. (This is good stuff, people.) Did you know that you could have your dog's anal glands removed?? WHO KNEW?? Apparently they aren't really necessary and yet they can be completely gross, so why WOULDN'T you have them removed?
Then there was the 45-minute "discussion" (I think "argument" is more accurate) about Kate & Ali, the teen twin stars from the mid-80's hit TV show, "Double Trouble." Not really sure where the reference first started, but Chrissy insisted there were twins in the 80's named Kate and Ali and nobody agreed. There was cell phone-web surfing happening throughout the room while people tried to prove their memory was better than everyone else's. Chrissy took top prize when she found the proof that these girls definitely did exist.
Other stuff you missed was delicious taco salad, if I do say so myself, (although it gave Mia techni-colored diarrhea... anyone else have that problem? Oopsy-poopsy!), bucket of margaritas from Farrah, and yummy chocolate-chip-cookie-crust-pudding-cream-cheese-pie thing from Anissa that made my freaking day. Sunday wasn't able to cook anything because all of her fingers were cut off a few days before our meeting. She did show up with a bottle of wine between her bloody stumps, though. Thank you, Sunday!
We talked about Lisa's fabulous haircut and color, Cara's attempt to track down a knock-off purse guy, her 2nd-day shampoo secret, Ana's case about a man who popped his wife's breast implant, Leighton's impending move to Waco to be a trophy wife (albeit a Waco trophy), and even managed to fit in a discussion about the book, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
The consensus on the book, The Girl with the Dragon Tatto, was that it was slow to start, then picked up dramatically. Everyone who read it seemed to like it a lot. Most of those who have read the other books in his series reported that the second book, The Girl Who Played With Fire, is not as good as the first, but that the third book, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest, is the best of the three. I am about 20 pages from finishing the second book and I completely disagree that it isn't as good as the first. I think it is far better and have found myself thinking about it all during the day, wondering what will happen in the chapters I'll be reading that night. I can't wait to read the third book, but I don't know when that will happen, since we have a big, thick book to read for next month's meeting.
We did some research on the author, Steig Larsson, who died fairly young of a heart attack but there's been lots of skepticism about whether that's what really killed him.
Chrissy has decided to join book club for a few months - AND she's hosting our September meeting (we decided August is way too busy to try to get together). Besides, her book choice is very thick, so we'll need as much time as possible to get it read before we meet. Next month's book is How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, by Jenna Jameson. Our meeting will be at Chrissy's house around the middle of September. I think we should wear pumps and glitter and Marilyn should bring boas from the dance studio so we can be porn-star-like!!!
Have a great month and we'll see you next month!
Kristan
